Neville's Pancakes~
by I LoVe LeE JoRdAn
Summary: The characters of HP are stuck on a big boat at sea... I really hope this is as funny as my first one! My grandma ends up saving us again, in her flying truck! Fred, George,


***Neville's Pancakes***  


  
*Hey all!!* It's been a loooong time since I wrote a FanFiction story!! This is only my second one, so, I've decided to see what would happen if I took being stranded on a boat and a few Harry Potter characters. The setting right now is the majority of the characters stranded on a boat when chaos breaks loose! Enjoy! (Do I need to remind you to hit that Review button when you're done?!)  
  
Me: {{using a molding carrot as a microphone and pretending an old shoe box is a camera videotaping me}} Next on my will, I will leave my Grandma to be taken care of by a homeless bum in New York City. But not just any bum.... The one with the most body parts missing gets her. Lastly, after I drown and am forgotten to decay among the fish, I wish to leave my collection of farting toasters signed by celebrities to Elton John-  
  
Cho Chang: Would you stop talking to a box?! {{chews on a fork ravenously, thinking it's a mozzarella stick}}  
  
Me: No one asked you! {{hits her over the head with the box and after she passes out, steals her socks while giggling mischievously}}  
  
Neville: {{hiccups}} Shh! Both of you!! Can't you see {{hiccups again}} I'm trying to make pancakes?! {{is mixing what looks like pancake batter in a big pot}}   
  
Me: Neville, but-  
  
Snape: {{is holding a mirror in front of his face and plucking his eyebrows when he suddenly screams}} Quiet! I smell something... something like... food!!! Chicken wings!!!   
  
Lockhart: Huh? Where? I don't see no chicken wings?! {{quickly wipes a piece of chicken from the side of his mouth just before Harry attacks him}}  
  
Ginny: You! You had food all this time while we were starving from hunger?! {{points a shaky finger at a passed out Cho, lying on the floor}} Look what happened to Cho!!! {{dramatic music starts playing}}  
  
Me: No, Ginny, I knocked her out!  
  
Ginny: No! Not that, she's missing her socks! {{DUN DUN DUN!!!}}  
  
Me: I stole them from her!  
  
Ginny: Oh...whoops.... Well look at poor Colin! {{moves a few steps to the right and signals in the direction of a startled boy}}  
  
Colin: Ginny, what are you talking about?? I'm fine- {{CLANG- is suddenly knocked out after Ginny swings a frying pan at his head}}  
  
Ginny: Look at him!!! He just died there, after not eating for 3 weeks!  
  
Dumbledore: Ginny, we've only been stuck on this ship for the last 4 hours and- {{another CLANG is heard}}  
  
Ginny: Albus Dumbledore! Gone too! {{begins wailing miserably}} He just starved to death! Like we're all going to! {{drops frying pan and runs screaming and crying at the same time down a flight of stairs- THUD}} I'm OK! I just tripped on the last few stairs! Oh, hey Seamus....  
  
Papa Smurf: Ai, Ginny fell down a flight of stairs!   
  
Snow White: I am going to kill you!!! {{laughs in an evil way and the music turns into the Looney Tunes Theme}}  
  
Papa Smurf: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH- {{his cry is stopped after I stuff his mouth with Cho's socks}}  
  
Me: I knew they would come in handy someday.... {{invisible audience laughs in unison}}  
  
Snow White: Can I continue on my killing spree now?!   
  
Me: Certainly, go right ahead. {{doesn't notice that in the water there is a rescue ship with the sign "WE WILL SAVE YOU" flashing. Also pays no attention when it cracks in half and sinks immediately}}  
  
Snow White: {{pulls a rubber ducky out of her shoe}} Now... I will cut you open with this- Oh, sorry, wrong weapon. Give me a minute.   
  
Me: No problem, take your time. {{doesn't realize there is a helicopter in the air with the banner "YOU WILL BE RESCUED, FANFICTION.NET MEMBER" hanging below it. It also doesn't distract her when it blows up out of nowhere}}  
  
Snow White: {{pulls a plastic sword out of her brassiere (French for bra) and cackles again}} Aha! You will die like the foolish mortals you are! {{begins stabbing Snape repeatedly, who is too busy putting on makeup to care}}  
  
Snape: Ow... ouch, that is hurting me.... {{at that moment, blinded by the sock in his mouth, Papa Smurf stumbles into Snow White and causes her to fall overboard- SPLASH}}   
*(neat sound effects, eh?!)*  
  
All: Hooray! {{invisible audience claps and cheers}}  
  
Ron: {{Ron, in his stages of hallucinations, screams out}} Oh, Harry dear! Your hat fell overboard! I'll get it! {{he dives in}}  
  
Harry: No Ron! That was the wicked Snow White! I don't have a hat! {{he shouts, while struggling to make Lockhart let go of his chicken wing}}   
  
{{Both opponents lose their firm grip on the piece of poultry,it flies through the air, bounces off of George's head, and, it too, lands in the water}}  
  
Ron: Ooh! {{he lets go of an unconscious Snow White, and grabs the sinking chicken wing}}   
  
Lockhart: Yo, man! Get away from my chicken wing! {{he exclaims, as Harry is biting hard at his nose}}  
  
{{we see a very dreadlocked, very sexy Lee Jordan run across the screen, chasing an escaped pony}}  
  
Me: Hmmm... {{she gets up and starts following Lee, with a devilish grin on her face}}  
  
Ron: Hey you guys, I forgot I don't know how to swim!   
  
Neville: Well, {{hiccups}} there's nothing I can do about it.... My pancakes are almost done though, if you would like to {{hiccups}} try one.  
  
Ron: Sure, Neville! Toss one into the water, will you?  
  
Neville: {{throws a burnt pancake into the water and it incredibly expands to the size of a bed}}  
  
Ron: Wow! Some pancakes you got, Neville! I can float on this and not drown! Thanks pal, you saved my life! {{invisible audience claps again}}  
  
Fred: Aww, is Ronny wonny safey wafey now?! {{licks George's bare chest passionately while caressing his red hair}}  
  
George: Yea, thanks to his bestest buddy Neville? {{seductively kisses Fred on the neck and squeezes his buttcheeks affectionately}}  
  
  
**EXPLANATION: I'M SORRY BUT I READ SO MANY FAN FICS WHERE FRED AND GEORGE FU*K EACH OTHER THAT I COULDN'T HELP IT!!! DON'T HATE ME, I LOVE FRED AND GEORGE IN REAL LIFE.... BUT IT JUST FEELS RIGHT!!! Back to the story...**  
  
Ron: Yea he did!  
  
Neville: Yea {{hiccups}} I did!  
  
Ron: That's right!  
  
Neville: Yes it is! {{hiccups}}  
  
Ron: Its true!  
  
Neville: I did save his {{hiccups}} life!  
  
Ron: No doubt!  
  
Hermione: STOP!!! {{drops the book she was reading and poses in a Britany Spears sort of way}}  
  
{{At this, everybody freezes and stops what they were doing. Harry stops ripping off parts of Lockhart's flesh, Lockhart stops pulling out Harry's hair, Ron stops agreeing with Neville, Neville stops agreeing with Ron, Fred stops humping George, George stops screaming for more, I stop stripping Lee Jordan naked, Lee Jordan stops waving the Jamaican flag, Dumbledore, Colin, and Cho stop nothing because they are still passed out, Ginny stops tap-dancing at the foot of the stairs with Seamus, Papa Smurf stops trying to get the socks out of his mouth, Snape stops putting on eyeliner, and random rescue objects stop crashing and exploding around me without me noticing}}  
  
Hermione: I just wanted to say, that we got a movie coming out November 16th, so shouldn't we be filming it?!  
  
{{the camera takes turns showing everyone individually as they agree with Hermione}}  
  
Ron: Gee whiz, you're right!  
  
Neville: {{hiccups}} That's correct!  
  
Snow White: Darn tootin'!  
  
Me: Yup, I want to see that be released on time too!  
  
Harry: Uh huh... {{busy munching on part of an earlobe}}  
  
Lockhart: I don't come in until the second movie... so...  
  
{{everyone stares at him unblinkingly, except the pony, which is stomping on a screaming Angelina Johnson}}  
  
Lockhart: I mean... Yes you should! {{invisible audience boo's at him}}  
  
George: Oh, Fred!! That's right folks, November 16th!!  
  
Fred: {{moans}} That is surely true!  
  
Ginny: We should be filming it!  
  
Seamus: I want a bigger part in the movie! But, yea...  
  
Dumbledore: To the well-organized mind, filming is but the next great adventure!  
  
Colin: Si, and I will be taking pictures of it, too!   
  
Cho: Whatever... my head hurts, you guys... {{I take the frying pan and knock out Cho once more}}  
  
Lee Jordan: Sure, were supposed to be at the studio! But what did you knock her out again for?  
  
Me: She causes all the evil in the world to happen..... So.....  
  
Lee Jordan: {{gets down on one knee and brings out a gorgeous ring}} So, will you marry me?!  
  
Me: {{whispers a shocked "yes!" before fainting}}  
  
My Granny: {{magically pops her head out of a flying truck just above the ship}} Glad to see you're all doing well... but I do agree that you should be rescued and brought back to finish filming for the 1st Harry Potter movie.  
  
Hagrid: {{also sticks his head out of the window}} I got a new bird! It's green and gold with a little bit of black too, jus' like the Jamaican flag! {{Lee smiles with joy}}  
  
My Granny: Yes, yes Hagrid.... You'll be back at the insane asylum before you know it!  
  
Hagrid: Okay daddy! Ow, I hit me head...!  
  
My Granny: {{lands truck on the deck of the ship}} What are ya'll waiting for?? Hop on!  
  
{{Fred and George board the truck holding hands while Lee carries me (I'm still passed out, remember!). All the other characters get on in an orderly fashion, except for Cho and Angelina, who are left *hopefully* dead on the ship. While flying back to the studios, we watch the Jefferson's on Nick at Nite!}}  
  
  
Allright, that was my fan fic! Hope you liked it! If you didn't, too bad, I'll be a famous writer one day and you won't so hahaaa! But if you did like it, thank you!! Please Review if you wish (you *will* be attacked by flying Ludo Bagmans if you don't!) >:=)  
  
  



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